I Didn't Want to Breastfeed...So I Didn't

Now who’s gonna check me, boo?

No, seriously? Where is the “Breast is Best” mafia with their pumps and nipple shield ready to milk me like the human cow they view me as?

Let me start over. When I first found out I was pregnant in April 2017, I had dreams of being that breastfeeding, homemade baby food making, cloth diapers only type of mother. But then life happened. I’m not referring to the divorce of the home buying process (Read Part I /Part II /Part III here). Not even the two weeks postpartum “Mommy Blues” affected my change of heart. It was me. Just me. My gut told me that breastfeeding, despite its scientific findings of being beneficial for both baby and mother, wouldn’t be the case for me and Ava.

Call me selfish if you must. It’s fine. I respect your opinion. But after 40 weeks of carrying life inside of my womb, strange cravings, swollen feet and other physical transformations brought on my pregnancy, I believed that my body deserved a break.

Did I even give breastfeeding a change. Of course I did. On and off for a few weeks and each attempt ended the same. Feelings of frustration and, even worse, resentment. I often here the later from quite a few breastfeeding moms. It may not have been stated so bluntly, but it’s heavily implied especially when it’s talked about as this huge sacrifice they made for their child and not some endearing act of love.

I am learning to stand comfortable in my truth. Something you may hear me say over and over in future blog posts. And the truth for me in the case of breastfeeding is that I wanted my body back and formula is just fine.